It’s hard to leave behind what
you love for something you don’t even know.
Honestly, I was scared as f*ck to leave home. I knew, I was only for
five months but that’s quite a long time for someone who has been in one place
forever. Vienna is the city I grew up in, I’d never been somewhere else for a
longer span of time. I didn’t need to move to another city for studying, I’d
never had to leave my comfort zone before. Never had I been away from my family
more than a few weeks and I’d admit it at every time: I’m a family person and I
couldn’t imagine to not see my parents and my younger bro for a whole semester.
Also, I couldn’t think of not having my great friends around, friends I’ve
known for more than ten years. People, who take me as I am. People, who still
love me, even though they know even my darkest sides and worst habits. People,
who I can be myself around, knowing, they don’t judge me, knowing, they’re on
the same page as I am. How am I supposed
to enjoy parties and have fun when my favourite persons to celebrate with are
on another continent?! I didn’t get it. During the weeks before my departure I
doubted my decision (which was made long before, when everything seemed too
surreal to worry about it) to study abroad on a regular basis. I wasn’t sure
why I was even going…
Just because random people told me that their exchange semester had been
the best time of their life? Because it would look good on my resume? Because I
need to improve my English? Of course, that where some of the reasons. But
there was something else. Deep down inside me, there was a secret wish. The wish,
to prove myself, and everyone else, that I can do it. That I can be on my own.
That I can survive in a new environment, without all my loved ones. If so many
people could do it, why shouldn’t I be able to finally leave my comfort zone
and experience another kind of life?! So, I did it. Because I’m not a coward,
not a little girl but an independent grown-up. Actually, I didn’t even believe
it myself. But I jumped into the cold water and just hoped, I wouldn’t drown.
The worst part was the night before my flight to the U.S. I didn’t sleep
a single minute. Thoughts kept running through my head. Tears came and went. Tragic
Good-bye-scenes filled my mind and the fear of leaving my beloved home was
killing me. (I am an emotional person, yes. It sounds like dramatizing things
but I actually felt this way.) BUT that
was the hardest part, as I should learn later (at least up to now).
The day I left, my lovely best friends surprisingly showed up at the
airport to say good bye, together with my family. I was in such a hurry to
catch the flight, I didn’t even have time to be sad. (That still kind of
bothers me by the way, I wanted a handkerchief-waving-movie-scene.) At the plane
I realised that I was really doing this and kind of wanted to jump out of the
airplane, go home, crawl into my cosy bed and act as if nothing had happened.
The friendly Stewardess wouldn’t let me do it though. So I flew to America, for
the first time ever and spent a few days in cold, grey New York together with
my Viennese colleagues. The impressive/depressing city didn’t exactly have a
positive influence on my unsteady mood but then, it all got a lot better when…
I arrived in Austin, Texas. I was really looking forward to getting
there. I couldn’t wait to see the city I would live at for the next months. The
flight was short and even though I doubted that the tiny plane could actually
fly us through whole North America, we landed there safely sometime in the afternoon.
It was an exceptional beautiful January day. The doors opened and when I set my
foot on Texan earth for the first time, it was an extraordinary moment. The sun
stroke my skin which got used to freezing temperatures. For a moment, all my
concerns and doubts got melted away by the sun’s rays. The warm air smelled
like summer and I felt like arriving at some tropical holiday destination. I
took a deep breath, inhaling this soothing smell of vacation and realised that
everything will be fine. Texas had me now and I was finally ready to embrace
this experience. I was ready to enjoy my exchange semester. I was ready to rock
Austin!
To be continued...
